


break my heart

by Blue_Pluto



Series: break my heart universe [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, a bit diffrent from what i normaly write, again it's not very long lol, fred is alive cus i say so but it's really just mentioned real fast, kinda dark but not that dark, post war stuff, short character study, trauma stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Pluto/pseuds/Blue_Pluto
Summary: When Ron sees his best friend's body, limp in Hagrid's arms, his breath catches. His heart stalls.He feels dizzy, lightheaded in a way where his whole world is crashing down around him. Greif sucker punches him in the stomach, and he misses a killing curse to his own chest only by being pulled out of the way by Hermione’s hand on his elbow. Though, he can’t help but wonder if taking that curse would be so bad.-=-=-=-=-ron's got alot of trauma
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ron Weasley
Series: break my heart universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608337
Comments: 6
Kudos: 194





	break my heart

The battle of Hogwarts is a terrifying ordeal. Bright flashes of light wosh past their heads, pure luck the only thing keeping them alive. People fall to the ground around them, cries of anguish fill the air. They set Ron’s teeth on edge, not knowing if it’s another friend who just died, or a Death Eater. 

But still, he pushes on. He keeps flinging curses, following Hermoinie to the dungeon. They have a mission. They have something they need to do. He pushes on past the moment when his brother nearly dies, past when he sees his classmate’s empty eyes staring back at him. 

But. 

When Ron sees his best friend's body, limp in Hagrid's arms, his breath catches. His heart stalls. 

He feels dizzy, lightheaded in a way where his whole world is crashing down around him. Greif sucker punches him in the stomach, and he misses a killing curse to his own chest only by being pulled out of the way by Hermione’s hand on his elbow. Though, he can’t help but wonder if taking that curse would be so bad. 

Then, Harry wakes, and the grief crushing him lessens. He can breathe again. But he knows this memory won’t leave him, this moment of terror has scarred him. 

-=+=-

After the battle, when the dead are being brought in and the living are crying, Ron finds Harry, and he buries his best friend in a hug. He holds Harry as tight as he could manage, fighting to hold back tears. He doesn’t mention his Harry’s fingers dig into his skin, or how his gasping breath gives way to tears. And Harry doesn’t talk about how Ron pulls him close and cries into his shoulder, their grief for friends and family and each other and their innocence mixing together with their sobs.

-=+=-

For a while, after everything, things begin to calm down. Hogwarts slowly rebuilds. The injured heal. 

But something inside Ron stays broken. 

It’s like in that moment, that moment of seeing Harry’s frail, broken body, something inside him snapped. Some sort of wall he built where he believed, relied on some misdirected hope, that even if it was dangerous, even if they might die, they’d be ok in the end. 

(The wall may have been damaged, but it was strong too. The deaths of Dobby and Sirius beat on it, his own splinching too. It splintered with Fred’s almost-death, fracturing in a way that would have never healed. But seeing Harry, limp like that, looking so dead and small in Hagrid’s arms, destroyed the wall that survived three years of war in a single moment.) 

He convinces Harry to come live with them. It makes sense, Harry has nowhere else to go, besides a house filled with ghosts or an empty place he could buy with his fortune. 

(He does it mostly for Harry, but a big part of him knows it’s for him too. A form of comfort for himself, to have everyone cares about most under one roof, safe.)

And he can’t deny the fear he feels for Harry. The knowledge that there are still Death Eaters out there, that there are still those who might want his best friend dead running around. 

(The fear consumes him, in a decidedly illogical fashion. Panic clawing in his chest when harry is out of his site, a compulsive need to check anything the other ate lest it be poisoned.

Harry doesn’t seem to mind. Or if he does, he doesn't show it. He lets Ron take bites of his food before he can, and lets him always know where he is.)

(Ron suspects Harry needs him as much as Ron needs Harry. Because for each panic attack he has when he loses sight of his best friend, or when his mother or siblings have been gone suspiciously long, and Harry calms him, there's as many times when Harry climbs into bed at night with him, and buries his face in Ron’s chest.) 

They don’t talk about it, not really. He knows they probably should, that the signs of trauma are popping up in all of them. Hermoinie points it out to him, as gently as she can in her own blunt way, how their nightmares and compulsions to pull out wands are a worrying pattern. 

She suggest he talk to a professional, but if not he should talk to Harry. Or her. They have many of the same symptoms, she says, even if they’re triggered by different things. 

He ignores her advice, for the most part. The only thing that comes close to breaking his resolve is how she mentions talking with Harry might help Harry too, or at least that how it worked for her and Ginny. 

But even still, he avoids it. He deflects by asking why she doesn't just talk to Harry herself if she’s so worried, and she gives him a look that makes him feel like he’s four years old again, caught with a hand in the cookie jar, before she walks off with a huff to Ginny's room where she’s been staying. 

Hermonie just doesn't get it, he decides. She’s always handled feelings with a sort of logic to them, it always seemed easy to her, in a way. She had a problem, she dealt with it, she moved on. Simple steps that could be broken down. 

But to him, emotions are a piled sort of mess, tangled strings so intertwined he didn’t know if he’d ever find the end of them. If he starts talking about how he feels now, how the battle of Hogwarts affected him, he’d have to face a thousand other things too. 

Big things, like the thoughts that scarred his arms, the frozen faces that haunt his dreams. But other things too, small ones that seemed petty now, despite the old ache they still brought. 

(Hermoinie’s constant nagging that only ever fuled his own feelings of inadequacy. The little voice in his head that always told him  _ you’re not good enough, that's why they hide things from you, they can’t trust you. You’re not enough, you’re not useful, you never will be _ .) 

(The other voice, it’s quiet deadly. Whispering when he wore that cursed locket, that _ he’ll never love you. He loves her. _ ) 

-=+=-

Ron may be eighteen years old, and a literal war hero, but old insecurities never leave him. He learns to accept them, even if they hurt. Harry will never be his, not in the way he wants. He tells himself it’s okay, even if it hurts. 

Harry’s his best friend. That will have to be enough. 

-=+=-

And yet, somehow, they fall together. Slow, and yet so fast he gets whiplash.

(Harry tells him later that he’s an idiot. That he can’t see what’s right in front of him. Ron counters that they must both be idiots, if Harry truly thought Ron was in love with Hermoine not him.) 

It makes sense, in hindsight. How late night talks became so regular, how they stayed together, in one another’s arms, more nights than not. 

And when Harry leans in and kisses him for the first time, all Ron can think is that he’s been waiting for this his whole life. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is a bit shorter than what i normally do but i hope y'all like it! it's meant to be just kinda a short character study type thing. i have a handful of other things lowkey planned out that i may or may not do? basically a couple 5 + 1 things (5 times someone figured out harry and ron were dating, 5 times someone tried to kill harry are the 2 i have) and some other stuff that would take longer to explain. so pls tell me if y'all want me to do that stuff! :D


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